according to very famous divorce case of Mr. Johnny Depp and his soon to be ex wife Mrs. Amber Heard.
Harper’s Bazaar.co.uk made an aricle about Inspiring Women and Feminists in 2016
«From Hillary Clinton to Amber Heard, we celebrate the women who inspired us in 2016»
My personal opinion is that -regardless if you believe Amber Heard was abused by Johnny Depp or not- the above lines about Amber Heard and especially the last sentence is dangerous. For the abuse victims.
It’s been circulated among media outlets that Amber Heard did everything a victim was supposed to do and people still questioned her.
The problem isn’t that people questioned her. The problem is deeper and it can cause harm to victims/survivors of abuse.
Ella Alexander of Harper’s Bazaar writes «Her bravery and candour will doubtlessly help others in similar positions to come forward».
Let’s talk about protecting yourself from your abuser and compare it to Mrs. Heard’s actions.
1. Don’t alert your abuser if you are planning to leave.
Mrs. Heard sent a letter, not only alerting Mr. Depp she was asking for divorce, but also demanding spousal support, his range rover with Mr. Depp to continue to make all payments for any encumbrances thereon, his condos (the place she’s been systematically abuse since before their wedding) with Mr. Depp to continue to pay mortage utilities, etc associated therewith, and a contribution towards her accounting costs, to be paid to her lawyers’ firm by close of business of a certain date (the same date she asked for a TRO, because he refused to pay her)
Amber Heard’s letter to Johnny Depp’s lawyer before filing for a TRO
Let me rephrase the above, Mrs. Heard blackmailed/extorted her alleged abuser while he had free access in their home.
2. Call 911 and report the incident. Write down the police report/incident number and keep with your records.
Mrs. Heard (or her friend) called the Police, but didn’t file a report, didn’t press charges, didn’t report the incident as domestic violence.
Wouldn’t that just aggrevate an abuser more? She had no protection from the Police, and she was in his house.
3. Know your abuser’s red flags. Be on alert for signs and clues that your abuser is getting upset and may explode in anger or violence. Come up with several believable reasons you can use to leave the house (both during the day and at night) if you sense trouble brewing.
Or make sure you don’t push their buttons while openly filming them. This isn’t victim blaming, it’s self protection. It’s one thing installing hidden cameras to record the abuse, and a whole different thing to have your mobile camera on your abuser’s face while your abuser aggressively cuts trees in the backyard attempting to remind them that besides the poor trees withstanding their aggression, you are there as well.
On top of that, do not embarrass your abuser by uploading the incriminating video in youtube while they still have access in their home.
4. File for a Protective Order that will tell your abuser to stay away.
Do not drop the Restraining Order request after making your abuser the ridicule of the town. It will most probably enrage them and you will not be safe.
I get it. It is totally great to feel a hero, putting your abuser down and making what they are known to everyone. But will that keep you safe? Will media care about you like they did for Mrs. Heard? How much will your abuser be angry if you do what she did?
Mrs Heard isn’t in the hospital (or in a morgue) only because she accused Mr. Depp and that’s for two reasons.
a. maybe there was no abuse from his part to begin with,
b. she has all the spotlight of the world on her, because she’s Mr. Depp’s ex wife.
Do NOT do what she did regardless of what you read in media. What she did was a fine way to enrage him and make him angry, not really asking for the Police’s protection, or even the Law’s protection (she dropped her RO request).
Have a safety plan. If your partner is abusive, have a plan to protect yourself and your children in case you need to leave quickly.
Try to find a way to put aside some money (blackmailing your abuser is not the best of ways to go about it), clothing, documents for the time you will have to leave your home. Find a place -friendly- to stay in emergency. Join a support group for survivors of domestic violence, get help from a therapist of hotlines. Take precautions not to be noticed by your abuser.
You won’t be safe if you do what Mrs. Heard did.
The media that present what Mrs. Heard did as the right thing to do most probably don’t care about your safety. After all, you have not been married to Mr. Depp.
Instead of attempting to become a hero by the media, your first priority is safety.
I used to write hours upon hours. The last year and a half, I had lost my will to type. I’m sure if typing could be done on its own while I was narrating to my computer I’d have at least three books finished by now. Good or bad, it doesn’t matter. It would have been writing exercise.
Now, that I’m getting slowly my mojo back, I remember that I liked listening to music while writing. And what music was that? Well, my favourite of course. Strangely enough, I mever listen to instrumental when I write or jazz. I prefer my favourite melancholic tunes accombanied by lyrics written by great lyricists like Jarvis Cocker (Pulp) and heart breaking voices such Brett Anderson’s (suede) and Stuart Staples’ (tindersticks), or Nick Cave’s and Leonard Cohen’s.
So one of the added good restarting writing did to me was relistening to my favourite songs and artists and discovering new bands like Beecake.
…not to fear what you write
Words on their own have no strength, no power. There’s no beauty. A writer needs more than words. The Writer needs grammar and syntax, they need ideas and passion. Writing is an experiment destined to either succeed or fail.
There are times the words without the passion or the idea succeed. And you just sit there and read and wonder. How’s that possible?
And then there are works that were meant to become classic but where pushed aside at their own time. That, however, is possible and awfully comprehensible. Time periods, values, ethics and all that jazz.
Magic is created with the right time, with the right ingredients. And a fire is lit that won’t go down.
I use my fears
I depend on them
Emotions created during their time
Their strength consumes me
My fingers bleed while inside my head
The demons play
It’s so wrong until the right moment comes
And I turn those fears to my advantage
Until they’ll hide from me in tears…
I am not certain if I should indulge in this (I don’t really care about her one way or another) but let’s get facts straight.
Kristen Stewart started working in front of a camera at the age of 9, her parents knew the ins and outs of the “business”, she got it easy. Now at 22, she was last year the most well paid actress in Hollywood.
Hollywood isn’t exactly the place for values and ethics and correct me if I’m wrong KS isn’t the first to cheat on her boyfriend. Why is anyone shocked is above me (especially since she started so very young)! Intrigues, sexual passions, cheating, divorcing and the likes are the cherry on top of the money these actors take. It’s what they offer to the public for consummation.
KS isn’t the first to entangle herself in a scandal. I’ll bring into consideration another actress, whom I don’t particularly like either. Do we remember Angelina Jolie in her teens & 20s? Do we? Getting married at a really young age, divorcing, rumours about lesbian relationships, her second marriage to Billie Bob Thornton, walking around carrying a little bottle of her husband’s blood on her necklace? And then of course, being the reason of America’s favourite couple’s separation! How much did any of this hurt her career?
No KS isn’t the first to involve in a scandal and will most definitely not be the last. I’ve seen so many posts and reblogs about the poor young woman and how her career is suffering because of her actions and feminists talk about how the same thing isn’t hurting the married older man with whom she had the affair (we don’t know that though).
So no! It’s not the man vs woman world that makes her look bad. Seriously? I don’t even get it! It’s the game she played from the beginning with the media; that of the good girl and innocent role model, that’s been turned on her like a boomerang. It was her decision to be shown that way (virginal girly etc) and so now she pays the price. Not because she’s a woman as many want to put it. Many actresses have done the same thing and their careers were just fine.
When you target a specific kind of audience said audience will turn against you if you decide to change the way you present yourself.
What worries me the most is that this whole thing will actually benefit her in the future and we will be subjected to her awful acting again.
Nothing to read because this was a pointless post.
I want to talk about my country. And my people. Or possibly rant. Most of us are not hungry, most of use don’t have a huge economical problem. Most of us can live nicely. Most of us are those who shout and rage though.
Sure, there are people who lost their jobs (I’m unemployed; I don’t like it because I can’t give and because I have no income). When I did work I saved money so no! I do not starve. Granted I live with parents. If I didn’t I wouldn’t have been able to survive. So I live with my family. I’m not ashamed to admit it.
However, things are not as bad as we make them to be. There aren’t homeless people in every block in every town. Yes, big cities have it bad, but life in towns and villages is not that bad. We don’t starve, we’re not hungry, we have everything we need.
Unfortunately, we never tried to see what brought us though. For twenty years people took loans to go on vacations, used credit cards to buy materials they didn’t need. Mercedes jeeps were bought by the dozens, each household had two or three cars, twelve year olds bought jeans that cost 120E, have their mobiles (with internet connection). Nightly out means return home after 06.00, after drinking and eating as if it’s the last time you’ll drink and eat. And repeat, for many years.
We have a saying in Greece; «stretch your legs as far as your quilt is» (it loses some of its prestige when translated). Needless to say it, we didn’t follow through. Why? I think it was because of the easiness of spending money that was borrowed and media.
Media are so very much responsible for today’s condition. Since the mid 1990s numerous tv shows presented in Greek TV station showing the guileless, naive us how celebrities lived, what they bought, where they were going in the summer, in the winter, how many houses they had, how many clothes they had… which, personal opinion, they shouldn’t have had in the first place. Greek show business is not like the American one and still money was given away like paper towels. And everyone wanted to have a second place by the sea, in an island or two, and have the luxury to go skiing every weekend.
Well, some things simply cannot happen! And that’s what we pay today.
However, besides those who have actual problems, most of those complaining are those who are overcommitted to stop paying 300 euros monthly for their mobile phones, or go to the hairdresser every Saturday.
My thoughts are for those, who like me, have no job and a family. But first we should change bad outlook/attitude of years and attempt to live with what we have.
What to read:
Beryl Bainbridge’s An Awfully Big Adventure (1989)
So yes. Do a good thing… it’s not as easy as it sounds really. We don’t get up in the morning thinking of ways to hurt the people around us (well, most of us) and still, despite feeling you need to offer, you want to give and possibly make someone laugh you eventually realize there aren’t many opportunities.
Why? Because people have alienated themselves so much that they don’t even want to be helped. It’s scary, but people have stopped to ask for help. Their needs come second to their pride. And they even manage to make you feel guilty for offering to help…
However the world needs it, I need it, you need it, everyone needs help (even when we’re not ready to admit or ask or even accept it). A smile, a laugh, a hand reaching out to give, a heart willing to share are making life precious.
In my book, as long as it is interest/caring and not pity nothing fences again pride.
So to make a long story short, this weekend my brother’s family was in a kind of problem. Now, I’m not notoriously famous for being patient with kids or maybe that’s just my opinion because everyone else has commented I should have become a teacher (no, no, no, nope). However my brother and sister-in-law were in need for someone to take care of them. Or they would take them with them in their work.
I volunteered. They didn’t ask. I told them it was fine. I did nothing else the whole weekend but taking care of a seven year old girl, and two boys of five and three year old.
I wasn’t thanked in the end. It didn’t matter. Their faces were happy and I felt great.
And it wasn’t slavery either. I love those kids. They love me too. It’s just that sometimes routine and every day life make us forget it.
So, take a look around you and offer your help, never your pity. No one needs that but everyone will accept your help.
What to read:
Stefan Zweig’s Beware of Pity (1939)