according to very famous divorce case of Mr. Johnny Depp and his soon to be ex wife Mrs. Amber Heard.
Harper’s Bazaar.co.uk made an aricle about Inspiring Women and Feminists in 2016
«From Hillary Clinton to Amber Heard, we celebrate the women who inspired us in 2016»
My personal opinion is that -regardless if you believe Amber Heard was abused by Johnny Depp or not- the above lines about Amber Heard and especially the last sentence is dangerous. For the abuse victims.
It’s been circulated among media outlets that Amber Heard did everything a victim was supposed to do and people still questioned her.
The problem isn’t that people questioned her. The problem is deeper and it can cause harm to victims/survivors of abuse.
Ella Alexander of Harper’s Bazaar writes «Her bravery and candour will doubtlessly help others in similar positions to come forward».
Let’s talk about protecting yourself from your abuser and compare it to Mrs. Heard’s actions.
1. Don’t alert your abuser if you are planning to leave.
Mrs. Heard sent a letter, not only alerting Mr. Depp she was asking for divorce, but also demanding spousal support, his range rover with Mr. Depp to continue to make all payments for any encumbrances thereon, his condos (the place she’s been systematically abuse since before their wedding) with Mr. Depp to continue to pay mortage utilities, etc associated therewith, and a contribution towards her accounting costs, to be paid to her lawyers’ firm by close of business of a certain date (the same date she asked for a TRO, because he refused to pay her)
Amber Heard’s letter to Johnny Depp’s lawyer before filing for a TRO
Let me rephrase the above, Mrs. Heard blackmailed/extorted her alleged abuser while he had free access in their home.
2. Call 911 and report the incident. Write down the police report/incident number and keep with your records.
Mrs. Heard (or her friend) called the Police, but didn’t file a report, didn’t press charges, didn’t report the incident as domestic violence.
Wouldn’t that just aggrevate an abuser more? She had no protection from the Police, and she was in his house.
3. Know your abuser’s red flags. Be on alert for signs and clues that your abuser is getting upset and may explode in anger or violence. Come up with several believable reasons you can use to leave the house (both during the day and at night) if you sense trouble brewing.
Or make sure you don’t push their buttons while openly filming them. This isn’t victim blaming, it’s self protection. It’s one thing installing hidden cameras to record the abuse, and a whole different thing to have your mobile camera on your abuser’s face while your abuser aggressively cuts trees in the backyard attempting to remind them that besides the poor trees withstanding their aggression, you are there as well.
On top of that, do not embarrass your abuser by uploading the incriminating video in youtube while they still have access in their home.
4. File for a Protective Order that will tell your abuser to stay away.
Do not drop the Restraining Order request after making your abuser the ridicule of the town. It will most probably enrage them and you will not be safe.
I get it. It is totally great to feel a hero, putting your abuser down and making what they are known to everyone. But will that keep you safe? Will media care about you like they did for Mrs. Heard? How much will your abuser be angry if you do what she did?
Mrs Heard isn’t in the hospital (or in a morgue) only because she accused Mr. Depp and that’s for two reasons.
a. maybe there was no abuse from his part to begin with,
b. she has all the spotlight of the world on her, because she’s Mr. Depp’s ex wife.
Do NOT do what she did regardless of what you read in media. What she did was a fine way to enrage him and make him angry, not really asking for the Police’s protection, or even the Law’s protection (she dropped her RO request).
Have a safety plan. If your partner is abusive, have a plan to protect yourself and your children in case you need to leave quickly.
Try to find a way to put aside some money (blackmailing your abuser is not the best of ways to go about it), clothing, documents for the time you will have to leave your home. Find a place -friendly- to stay in emergency. Join a support group for survivors of domestic violence, get help from a therapist of hotlines. Take precautions not to be noticed by your abuser.
You won’t be safe if you do what Mrs. Heard did.
The media that present what Mrs. Heard did as the right thing to do most probably don’t care about your safety. After all, you have not been married to Mr. Depp.
Instead of attempting to become a hero by the media, your first priority is safety.
I used to write hours upon hours. The last year and a half, I had lost my will to type. I’m sure if typing could be done on its own while I was narrating to my computer I’d have at least three books finished by now. Good or bad, it doesn’t matter. It would have been writing exercise.
Now, that I’m getting slowly my mojo back, I remember that I liked listening to music while writing. And what music was that? Well, my favourite of course. Strangely enough, I mever listen to instrumental when I write or jazz. I prefer my favourite melancholic tunes accombanied by lyrics written by great lyricists like Jarvis Cocker (Pulp) and heart breaking voices such Brett Anderson’s (suede) and Stuart Staples’ (tindersticks), or Nick Cave’s and Leonard Cohen’s.
So one of the added good restarting writing did to me was relistening to my favourite songs and artists and discovering new bands like Beecake.
…not to fear what you write
Words on their own have no strength, no power. There’s no beauty. A writer needs more than words. The Writer needs grammar and syntax, they need ideas and passion. Writing is an experiment destined to either succeed or fail.
There are times the words without the passion or the idea succeed. And you just sit there and read and wonder. How’s that possible?
And then there are works that were meant to become classic but where pushed aside at their own time. That, however, is possible and awfully comprehensible. Time periods, values, ethics and all that jazz.
Magic is created with the right time, with the right ingredients. And a fire is lit that won’t go down.
I use my fears
I depend on them
Emotions created during their time
Their strength consumes me
My fingers bleed while inside my head
The demons play
It’s so wrong until the right moment comes
And I turn those fears to my advantage
Until they’ll hide from me in tears…
I am not certain if I should indulge in this (I don’t really care about her one way or another) but let’s get facts straight.
Kristen Stewart started working in front of a camera at the age of 9, her parents knew the ins and outs of the “business”, she got it easy. Now at 22, she was last year the most well paid actress in Hollywood.
Hollywood isn’t exactly the place for values and ethics and correct me if I’m wrong KS isn’t the first to cheat on her boyfriend. Why is anyone shocked is above me (especially since she started so very young)! Intrigues, sexual passions, cheating, divorcing and the likes are the cherry on top of the money these actors take. It’s what they offer to the public for consummation.
KS isn’t the first to entangle herself in a scandal. I’ll bring into consideration another actress, whom I don’t particularly like either. Do we remember Angelina Jolie in her teens & 20s? Do we? Getting married at a really young age, divorcing, rumours about lesbian relationships, her second marriage to Billie Bob Thornton, walking around carrying a little bottle of her husband’s blood on her necklace? And then of course, being the reason of America’s favourite couple’s separation! How much did any of this hurt her career?
No KS isn’t the first to involve in a scandal and will most definitely not be the last. I’ve seen so many posts and reblogs about the poor young woman and how her career is suffering because of her actions and feminists talk about how the same thing isn’t hurting the married older man with whom she had the affair (we don’t know that though).
So no! It’s not the man vs woman world that makes her look bad. Seriously? I don’t even get it! It’s the game she played from the beginning with the media; that of the good girl and innocent role model, that’s been turned on her like a boomerang. It was her decision to be shown that way (virginal girly etc) and so now she pays the price. Not because she’s a woman as many want to put it. Many actresses have done the same thing and their careers were just fine.
When you target a specific kind of audience said audience will turn against you if you decide to change the way you present yourself.
What worries me the most is that this whole thing will actually benefit her in the future and we will be subjected to her awful acting again.
Nothing to read because this was a pointless post.